Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Your Hair Was So Pretty...

In September of 2009, I made the decision to cut off all of my relaxed hair. I hadn't made the decision in order to shock anyone, nor because anything had been wrong with my hair; I made it because I had been going through some things, was battling depression, and felt like I needed a fresh start. I didn't know if I would relax my hair again in the future or not, but at that point, I was ready to try something new.

Prior to this, I had always been 'the girl with the long, thick hair'. My decision did catch several people off guard, and I had thought that I was reasonably prepared for any negative backlash. I was wrong.

In Barbados, and probably other countries as well, the concept of a woman with long, thick, healthy hair chopping it all off is amazingly taboo.

Most persons were very diplomatic (read: "Oh, it will grow back.") while a few genuinely seemed to like the fact that I'd done something different. Encouraged by the latter camp, I'd just begun to feel safe to enjoy being myself without the aforementioned label of 'the girl with the long, thick hair' when it happened.

"Your hair was so pretty!!!!"


All of a sudden, all of my self doubts came rushing back. I felt exposed, ugly and even more depressed, but I forced myself not to do anything drastic, like run and put a relaxer in my hair on the basis of one woman's comment.

Even though I tried to shake it off, that comment got me thinking about what persons consider to be 'pretty hair', especially here in Barbados, and more importantly, what I believed 'pretty hair' to be.

What I found out showed me just how much I had relied on the length of my hair to be comfortable in my own skin. I had always thought that short hair, be it natural or relaxed was pretty on other women, so why couldn't I apply that same rule to myself and be confident in who I was? After all, didn't 'pretty hair' have more to do with the health of the hair, as opposed to the length, or whether or not it was relaxed or natural?

It took a while, along with a lot of personal development, for me to be confident in my own skin. I became less and less attached to my hair and focused more on becoming the person Jehovah wants me to be.

When I relaxed my hair again about a year later, I did it because the mood struck me, and not because of depression or because I felt that I would once again be seen as having that lady's definition of having pretty hair.

Since then, my life journey has been more about being healthy spiritually and emotionally, which naturally leads into being healthy physically. This includes taking care of my hair in a far more healthy way than I used to, and I'm much happier for it.

In fact, I recently cut all my (healthy) relaxed hair off for the 2nd time! :)

Not everyone will be in love with my choice, but thanks that comment about 'pretty hair' five years ago, I'm quite a bit more confident and less likely to let the opinions of others affect me like they once did.

After all, long or short, relaxed or natural, I do have pretty (healthy) hair. :)

Be confident, ladies! It's easier said than done, especially when sporting a TWA, but if you keep working at it, it will pay off. Trust me, I know. :)

1 comment:

  1. Good morning how are you?

    My name is Emilio, I am a Spanish boy and I live in a town near to Madrid. I am a very interested person in knowing things so different as the culture, the way of life of the inhabitants of our planet, the fauna, the flora, and the landscapes of all the countries of the world etc. in summary, I am a person that enjoys traveling, learning and respecting people's diversity from all over the world.

    I would love to travel and meet in person all the aspects above mentioned, but unfortunately as this is very expensive and my purchasing power is quite small, so I devised a way to travel with the imagination in every corner of our planet. A few years ago I started a collection of used stamps because trough them, you can see pictures about fauna, flora, monuments, landscapes etc. from all the countries. As every day is more and more difficult to get stamps, some years ago I started a new collection in order to get traditional letters addressed to me in which my goal was to get at least 1 letter from each country in the world. This modest goal is feasible to reach in the most part of countries, but unfortunately it’s impossible to achieve in other various territories for several reasons, either because they are countries at war, either because they are countries with extreme poverty or because for whatever reason the postal system is not functioning properly.

    For all this I would ask you one small favor:
    Would you be so kind as to send me a letter by traditional mail from Barbados? I understand perfectly that you think that your blog is not the appropriate place to ask this, and even, is very probably that you ignore my letter, but I would call your attention to the difficulty involved in getting a letter from that country, and also I don’t know anyone neither where to write in Barbados in order to increase my collection. a letter for me is like a little souvenir, like if I have had visited that territory with my imagination and at same time, the arrival of the letters from a country is a sign of peace and normality and an original way to promote a country in the world. My postal address is the following one:

    Emilio Fernandez Esteban
    Avenida Juan de la Cierva, 44
    28902 Getafe (Madrid)

    If you wish, you can visit my blog where you can see the pictures of all the letters that I have received from whole World.

    Finally I would like to thank the attention given to this letter, and whether you can help me or not, I send my best wishes for peace, health and happiness for you, your family and all your dear beings.

    Yours Sincerely

    Emilio Fernandez